Dear Friend?

I want to talk, yet at the same time I have no words for anyone. I just drown my own voice in lumps at the back of my throat. I don't care for kind pats on the back, or sympathetic smiles. I fear the pitying eyes. I run from comforting cuddles. I turn my face away from hands that want to wipe everything away. Even the word 'vile' does not sum up this feeling. I don't know what I feel. Nothing feels solid.

Like a game of snakes and ladders.